Contractual Agreements

If relationships were contractural arrangements I can imagine at least one of the clauses.

Sect 12E
i- In the event of anything negative or that may not be favourable at any time during the past/present or future, the significant other is defined as 'the scapegoat'

ii - In the event of anything positive or favours yourself in any way shape or form, even if this is only implied, the significant other is defined as 'the bastard'

iii - In the event she's left you for another bloke, after destroying your life, the significant other is defined as 'the loser'

I actually wanted to get off the relationship commentary and relate back to businesses screwing over people through contracts, but I figured it'd just be too Dilbert. Eh, the horse isn't dead yet...