Wanglor

As the great Sizzlord mentioned the photo of me half naked and running screaming through the streets of Sydney was not the original but in fact the second innings of my crazed wangings of that street. I was dared by my good wanglor comrades to run through the street waving my shirt above my head screaming "woop woop woop woop woop" for several Drew respect points and I accepted. However we did not have a camera for the first event and so it was requested that I perform the act once again for the camera so we could place the incredible banner of the event upon this blog. So for no reward I performed the event once more, however to my benefit the fellow wangers informed me that I would be allowed to create whatever Sydney dares I wished after that for the rest of the day.

So my good friend Gabriel Symes was asked after that to crab walk across the street screaming "woop woop woop woop woop" in front of a school excursion to one of the bridge support beams and then continue to hump said beam all on tape. After which the Sizzlord himself was pressured into approaching an exceptionally hot german bartender to ask her if he could have his friends take a photograph oh himself and the german bounty in a sexy pose ready for action.

To my gratification my friends came through for me during these troubled times and I am glad I accepted their challenge because the reward was worth it.

No german chicks were harmed during the production of the previous storylines and I hope that the boys contribute stories from Thailaind during thier visit. Blenderedlove and I would not like to be the only contributers to the almighty Wanglor during your absence, please appease that which is our only deity.

Graphical Things

Due to the mind numbing boredom I endure before I fly out to Thailand, I got bored enough to hunt down a funky font and photo shop a title into one of my favourite photos in existance. I hope people like the changes and if not, you'll get used to them :) Randomly I decided to photoshop the logo onto another of my favourite pics. I think Mr. Symes face in the middle says it all.

P.S. Anybody curious about the pic used for the banner, the background is that it was taken in Sydney when Sadsack, myself and GabSymes went down for a week in 2005. Walking up one random street I told Sadsack to strip his shirt off and run screaming up the street, with his maniless being in peril if he didn't. Luckily he obliged and the result had me nearly shitting myself laughing. It was so funny the good sport did it twice so I could climb some stairs and take a photo. As for the photo above, fucks me I think it was taken in the Valley right before myself and Rob (on the right) molested, killed and ate Symes. It mit've even been in that order.

So there you have it, more changes are in the works since I don't see my boredom being lifted anytime soon, stay tuned.

The Most Confusing Bathroom Ever II

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to interpret a second passage from the Book of Confusing Bathrooms.

Across Europe, my travel buddy B and I found it hilariously entertaining to see how signs in one language often had much shorter English translations underneath them. You always got the feeling that they were forgetting to tell us non-native speakers something IMPORTANT, like translating a half page of French down to "Don't turn toilet light on" should also be followed by "Oh yeah, this toilet has a habit of backing up in the middle of the night and covering your floor with a solid inch of last night's curry-and-kebab-explosive-diarrhoea shit. Welcome to France, you ENGLISH PIG DOGS!"

Luckily, our first experience was a chance encounter with a sign that was about seven lines long, stuck on (of all things) a toilet door in the train. We assumed the sign was explaining that the toilet didn't work, how the weather was at home, how the sign writer had a small wart on his big toe that was looking slightly shonky, and that you shouldn't trust a woman who holds up a sign saying Suck For A Buck. In English, this translated down to "This toilet don't work." I wisely chose to do my twosie in another toilet.

But my favourite toilet sign, and one which I took a photo of, was the sign placed on a toilet button underneath an internet cafe in Vienna. I think the sign explains itself fairly well, although I'm not exactly sure whether it's offering advice for what to do DURING your dookie-session, or AFTER. I leave it open to your interpretation.

The Most Confusing Bathroom Ever

I was at my work Christmas party last Saturday and as I'm chilling on a stool waiting for dinner, one of my chums comes hussling up and excitedly tells me that he's got to show me something in the bathroom. Foregoing the obvious "what the fuck" question I'm about to follow him in when dinner is finally served. My chum describes to me how he came inches from peeing into the sink in the bathroom because it looked uncannily like a urinal. I was a little skeptical until we sat down to eat and another chum comes up excitedly. "Guys I just had the most fucked up experience in the bathroom. I think I just pissed in the sink and the boss's husband saw me."

The sink in this bathroom was what would normally be a metallic urinal trough except raised out of the floor and placed waste height. Chum2 walked in, thought the height was a little weird and began peeing. His then spotted the large mirrors placed at head height and wondered why anyone would place mirrors in front of a pissing trough. Although disconcerted he finished peeing. As he turned to find the sink to wash his hands, there stands the boss's husband staring at him oddly before backing away into a shitter cubicle. Chum2 does a complete 360 of the room without seeing any sinks. Back to where he started he finally noticed the large "Please wash your hands" sign and the water tapes sticking out of the wall above the urinal. The dude has mistaken the sink trough for the piss trough.

In his defence I did have a massive laugh at his expense before checking the loo out. And sure enough rather than having normal sinks, this place had decided just to scrap the urinal trough, raise it a meter and through some taps in. At least it serves as a one stop shop I guess.

Cirque Du Soleil

So I went to Cirque Du Soleil last night and first let me start by saying there is no other place in the world where it is considered as ok for two mostly naked men to grapple with each other while flying around in the air. However getting past the obvious homosexual vibes coming out of some of these French men it was quite a good show.

The costumes this year were quite interesting, the storyline was of course difficult to follow, something about an angel whose wings get stolen and he meets a girl and chases after her and eventually they get married or something like that with lots of acrobatics in between.

There wasn't quite as many women or props in this years performance as compared to last years however they did still have the pair of comic relief performers coming in for the occassional interlude which was my favourite part of the show. After plenty of impressive tumbling and tricks the show closed by the female of our young angels dreams contorting in such a way as to prove to him that she really doesn't need a man followed by a wedding and more acrobatics.

Hopefully next year will be another great installment and I encourage everyone to go see it.

Contractual Agreements

If relationships were contractural arrangements I can imagine at least one of the clauses.

Sect 12E
i- In the event of anything negative or that may not be favourable at any time during the past/present or future, the significant other is defined as 'the scapegoat'

ii - In the event of anything positive or favours yourself in any way shape or form, even if this is only implied, the significant other is defined as 'the bastard'

iii - In the event she's left you for another bloke, after destroying your life, the significant other is defined as 'the loser'

I actually wanted to get off the relationship commentary and relate back to businesses screwing over people through contracts, but I figured it'd just be too Dilbert. Eh, the horse isn't dead yet...

Amazing world

The world can occassionally impress me, when a slamming hottie like Scarlett Johansson can drag some random guy into a car and give him a blowjob with her microphone still on and recording the whole time to the delight of the sound crew....but then everyone else is such a prude about everything. Honestly what is the big deal about sex? We all to some degree have something to do with sex, hell I haven't met anybody yet who has introduced themselves as being birthed from artificial insemination or being the child of a virgin.

Damn religion for creating this idea of sex as being something special between two people who are in love, it is just a fun thing to do between people, sure its more enjoyable when you are having sex with someone who you have deep feelings for, but isn't everything more enjoyable with that person? Sex doesn't magically become depressing just because you aren't in love with the person. For a world based on sex we are so immature when we criticise people for their choice of sexuality or sexual preferences or promiscuity. Swinging shouldn't be seen as some sinful creation, honestly what better way to keep a relationship secure than to both explore other aspects of sexual desire. One person cannot fulfill all of your fantasies and the more pressure you put on them to do exactly that the more you kill your own chances of having a stable relationship.

Greek, Spanish, spit, swallow, anal, missionary, doggie, threesome, foursome, moresome and fun....the more everyone got of these things would make one happy world. Anyone who can say they'd rather fight than bonk like monkeys is a liar or a creep. In closing this world is seriously fucked up and I wish I could just put on some Bob Marley and stink the house out with weed until people joined the ranks of the enlightened.

Women

So I was having a little one on one time with God and he told me that women were in fact a mistake, he made one for himself and then of course Adam wanted one and look what has happened. Today they are constantly watching us, judging us and telling us what to do and at the same time we actually have to work to acquire one of these creatures.

I just do not get it, why do we have to put in all this effort to attract one of these creatures which were basically designed as a sex aide and only to realise that they actually are people of their own and bam that we don't want them anymore. I wish I lived in one of those countries where you could still buy a woman and no I don't mean by the hour, I mean one payment and then she shuts up makes my dinner and we lay together three times a week in sexual congress no questions asked and no expectations on her part to actually feel the least bit pleasured by the experience.

If only all men could go on a world wide strike until women started being people instead of just waiting until a man makes them a person and then they unleash all their pent up crazy on the man who has shown them nothing but affection. Please ladies, take out your crazy on the rest of the world, hell take up road rage I find it helps my stress levels incredibly well but I implore you to take a look at a man who is just trying to impress you so he can get into your pants and cut him some slack...at the end of the day it's just like medicine, swallow it fast before it starts to burn.