The 24 Hour Rule

Just for Emma:

When attempting to chat up a girl, there are several unknown factors that come into play that dramatically affect your ability to succeed. Most guys have been affected by the 24 hour rule but haven't known of its existence. The 24 hour rule states that: After starting the tuning period, if without a good reason you fail to continue or have a lapse of enthusiasm for more than 24 hours you automatically lose all progress made and get moved back to the 'just friends' pile. The existence of the 24 hour rule is constantly being debated and some argue that 24 hours makes no difference. 24 hours is normally the minium time period before this rule comes into play but depending on the female in question, the figure can be much higher.

Lets take an example, guy is going after a girl. After 2 dates for lunch etc he figures all is going well and decides to take a day for himself where he doesn't message the girl. This girl who was previously into him, decides that maybe she doesn't really like him that much anymore. The next day he messages... unfortunately for him he doesn't know that any move from this point is irrelevant. After having not kept the process going and not provided adequate excuses for the absence the 24 hour rule came into play putting him into the 'friend zone'

And now we move on from the 24 hour rule and towards the root of the problem: female empowerment. Hippies in the 60s and 70s caused a massive social change across Western countries from the staid values of the pre- and post-war eras and empowered both the public, minority groups, and women in particular with the ability to choose and control the course of their lives. The right to vote, the right to free speech, the right to have different attitudes and beliefs than was expected and still be accepted for it.

Yet problems such as the 24 hour rule still exist. How is this relevant, you ask? I'm sorry, but WHY exactly, when you finally have the power to choose and decide yourself, must the MEN be the reason for the failure in the tuning process? If 24 hours rolls around and you haven't heard from him, maybe, I dunno, you could MESSAGE HIM and initiate contact? You don't have to sit around and wait for the next contact so you can discuss with the girls about how he asked you out. Is it that hard for you to set up the next date? Something along the lines of "I had a good time the other night, would you like to catch a movie on Friday?". Yes, we know those are some crazy concepts, but bear with us. Obviously there's a mutual attraction; admittedly some men don't get the hint that you're not interested, but most of us are pretty savvy and can recognise a reciprocation of interest. So if there's a mutual attraction...why can't there be a mutual effort at communication?

There's always the complaint that "I don't know what you're thinking" or "We don't talk anymore." The problem doesn't lie with the relationship at that point, the problem lies way back at the start of the relationship and that crucial 24 hours. If we're constantly making the effort to communicate and tune, can't you at least do us the decency of tuning back? It's only fair. The hippies fought for your rights and emancipation from generations of slavery in the deep dark South. The least you can do is stop hiding behind old world values and become the women of tomorrow that you're supposed to be.

Blendered Love and Gabe

I am Aghast: Part Three

Another work tale today. We're selling some Mistral washing machine for 50% off, so it's say $299 in stead of $599 or whatever. Some ancient, ancient ladies come up to me today and ask for the price, so I scan a ticket and tell them. The convo then turns to this:

Crone: So what's up with that notice I saw, isn't that illegal.

Sizz: ?

Crone: The notice, isn't that illegal? Is that why you're trying to get them off the floor?

Sizz: ??

Crone: Cuz I mean cmon you can tell us.

Sizz: I have no idea what you're talking about, what?!?!

[At this stage she points out a sticker on the display machine. It pretty much says that they made a fubar in the catalogue and misprinted the power consumption and load of the machine. So rather than ay 800kw an hour and 8kgs, its actually 700kw an hour and 6kgs]

Sizz: What about it?

Crone: Isn't illegal to have these things out then, is that why you're selling them for cheap?

Sizz: Why would it be illegal, they just had a misprint in the catalogue, there's nothing wrong with them they're just on sale.

Crone: Are you calling me a liar? [WTF?!?!?]

Sizz: urrrr no I'm just not really sure what you're talking about.

Crone: He's calling me a liar mabel!

Crone2: You can tell us what's wrong with them sonny, we won't tell.

Sizz: Nothing is wrong with them, it was just a catalogue misprint, there just 50% off.

[They do that smiling/joking thing ppl do when they think you're bullshiting them]

Crone2: Sure they're fine, we're not trying to buck the trend or anything, we want to buy one, we just, you know, want the truth!

Crone: And the price!

Sizz: ......I gave you the price at that start of this. And I'm not lying, you want to take it further go see the manager. Have a good day.

So I smile and take off at this point, wondering what the FUCK they were on. I find out later that they went down to the front and complained about me being unhelpful and a liar and then got into an arguement with the manager down the front about how the washing machines weren't busted.

Normally I would be certain that they were just trying to fuck with me, but you could see in their eyes they were deadly serious about getting to the dark conspiracy of why the misprinted washing machines were a fantastical 50% off. Good luck to them I say, I hope they stick it to the MAN!!

The only upside is that soon they will be dead and buried and with any luck their greasted impact in life well be this entry in a blog that only 5 people on the planet read.

Wanglor on Google

By accident I found this today (I was trying to type Wrangler). I think the description Google gives pretty much sums us up.

Wanglor Classic: Sizzlord is a Dad

I was cleaning out all my documents when I discovered this atrocity I committed months ago and I thought I'd share. Enjoy everyone.

[Set Up: Sizzlord is talking to a female friend of a friend on msn. At the same time I was slogging througha convo with a girl I used to date many years ago. Here's the transcript of my convo with the first lady (It's been cleaned up a fair bit ot make it presentable, but the words are mostly intact)]

Her: what is Sizzlord doing?

Sizz: talking to his ex ex ex gf

Her: what sorta juicy (shit) has the ex ex ex gf said?

Sizz: well turns out she's struggling to cope with the cost of our kid, so we're discussing child payment.

Her: I feel sort of awkward, are you joking?

Sizz: You think I'd joke about having a kid? Jesus I'm not a complete fuck.

Her: ok so how old is your kid?

Sizz: She's 2. She was born on the 14 of august 2003 at the Wesley, she's so gorgeous.

Her: what's her name?

Sizz: Aoi

Her: Aoi? Blue in Japanese?

Sizz: Yeah her mother picked it cause she's got blue eyes.

Her: is her mother japanese?

Sizz: yeah well her parents are, she was born and raised here.

Her: ahh i see, our age?

Sizz: yeah shes 21 in about a month

Her: werd could never have a child at this age. i can respect that someone could go through with that commitment

Sizz: yeah it was a bit of a shock but u gotta roll with everything

Her: i would have probably aborted

Sizz: yeah? thats pretty heavy

Her: i don't know. if it's heavy. i think there is less emotional involvement because you don't have to raise a child and change your lifestyle but that's what i would probably do in that ircumstance :)

Sizz: yeah i was against it to start with but i dunno, it kinda grew on me

Her: she is your flesh and blood. does she live in bris?

Sizz: yeah they live over at west end. well they do now anyway

Her: nice do you spend time with your daughter? the concept of somebody having a child is foreign to me i dont know anybody who does i only know of people

Sizz: yeah i try and see her a fair bit, not as often as i like. her and her mother used to live down and sydney which sucked balls but now there back its much better.

Her: I love sydney. i want to go there after i graduate. so how does your ex ex ex gf support herself and the baby? must be tough

Sizz: yeah shes got really rich parents and there fucking psychos but they help out and i do what i can but shes got a pretty good job doing graphics at some tech company so she makes a mint off them

Her: noice, lots of friends in bris?

Sizz: shes got a few old school friends i think thats about it we had a pretty bitter break up, were just getting back into it now so im like, reknowing this woman

Her: ah i see do you think you will have a relationship with this woman now? now that you're reconnecting with her?

Sizz: dunno, id like to be close for my daughters sake ahh there we go finally found a photo of her with her aunt

[Sizzlord shows her a random baby photo from google]

Her: of course

Sizz: its a pretty bad pic i cant remember where they took that. i think it was down in Sydney

Her: i don't think it's a bad pic. how old is she? in ze pic

Sizz: i think shes six months probably a month or so after actually

Her: indeed. well i gots nothing else to say so i think i might sreep nite!

[End]

In all fairness, the woman knew me and knew the sort of guy I am. I honestly thought the idea of me having a child was just to fucking stupid it was funny, but she bought it and, in the interest of science, I wanted to see how far I could possibly take the ruse. Needless to say it didn't last long thanks to her friends and I did apologise. It's also one of the few times ever I've felt remorse but I think I got over it.

Extra special thanks have to go to Sadsack for a) demanding I keep going and b) finding the perfect photo of a blue eyed asian baby from the internet. It really sold the whole thing and it wouldn't have been good without it. Thanks buddy.

Would you Fuck a Pregnant Girl? Part Three

The answer is YES. Sadsack can take the arse, Sizzlord gets the vag. That way we both score a preggo and we're both technically right.

EVERYONE WINS!

Would you fuck a pregnant girl? Part 2

While the Sizzlords view on the topic was 'Hey yeah, think about it man if it isn't your kid you are basically having a threesome, while if it is your kid that is just disgusting.' So I think I should take a leash with me down the coast as we may end up in the park or see some children at the beach.

Don't worry Sizzlords future children you aren't good enough for his semen, but he'll cook up a strangers fetus and eat it no problem. The only way to settle this man is for us to both fuck her.

Would You Fuck a Pregnant Girl?

Sadsack and I had this debate the other night. A mutual slamming hot acquaintance of ours has recently gotten herself "with fetus" and was about 6 months alone and looking fine. The convo worked out that the Sizzlord would happily tap that, no qualms about my penis hitting an unborn child at all, while Sadsack refused.

What he drew the line at was fucking someone else's fetus. If he's having sex with a woman with his child, WATCH OUT KID, Sadsack is going to induct you into Wanglor the old fashioned way. I weep for his children and I pray to karma that they never, ever find out their parents fucked after they started developing.

I ruined a families Christmas

This one actually happened around July, I'm just lazy with the posting.

It's the huge fuck off toy sale that Kmart has and I'm working the Layby department as always. This family rocks up with two huggggeee trolleys, packed full of toy shit. I cry a little internally and start putting them through. After about the fourth item they pull out some clearance stuff. I can't layby clearance stuff, I get yelled at, so I inform them. The stare at me for a second and their faces fall. Minutes later only another two items out've the massive trolleys join the other shit on the counter, everything else is clearance and forms a massive pile sitting on a nearby display dishwasher.

After they finish the layby and walk off saddened, the kid eyes the massive pile of toys and asks mummy why they're not taking it with. She tells him that they can't afford it and the kid starts wailing, crying and carrying on. At this point the father looses it and engages his wife in a loud dispute about how they should've just bought the stuff and their christmas will suck now etc. etc. Eventually their shouting died off in the distance and silence came back to me.



HAHAHAHAH I RUINED A FAMILIES FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!

I made a kid cry

(yeah yeah, its a few weeks late but who fucking cares)

So I'm at work a while ago on the registers, stuck serving a constant stream of fucking arseholes, when I was presented with the best oppurtunity ever. Basically a lady came through with a kid in her trolley. This kid was clutching two chuppa chups in its tight little fist and screaming at the top of his lungs "MY CHUPPA CHUPS! MINE!!!". It was ear splitting. I tried to ignore the first one, and a little piece of my soul died when he did it a second and a third time. Then he made his fatal mistake.

Letting go of his chuppa chups, he left them on the counter while he picked his nose or something shit. So quick like lightning I snatch up the lollies in front of this little fuck and scream "MY CHUPPA CHUPS! MINE!", turn and throw them into my little bin on the counter filled with random lollies. The kid just stares at me, with this horrified OMFG expression for a second before he bursts into tears and startings wailing to his mum.

The best of the encounter was that I turned to the mother and asked if she actually wanted to buy the chuppa chups. She just looked at me placidly, said no, paid for her shit and walked off, screaming kid in tow. The fact that the register operating just yelled at her child and set him on a crying binge didn't actually seem to register.

One of my greatest moments at work ever.

The birth of Sadsack

In one week we shall be celebrating the 21st year since the birth of Sadsack, my work mates have already informed me that they will be trying to make the festivities impossible to forget. First on the agenda is they wish to have a male stripper give me a lap dance, then after that they plan to hold me down and steal my clothes so that I have to do a nudie run to my car to get home past all the other assorted staff. God I hope it isn't a cold night.

After this the Sizzlord and Adam and myself shall be venturing to the Gold Coast for more festivities over the weekend and for anyone who has ever heard of or witnessed our Coast adventures or any of our interstate adventures you should know this is going to be one crazy weekend. There will be barbecued food, alcohol, beach games, alcohol, beach fights, alcohol, Adam sleeping naked, alcohol to get over Adam sleeping naked in the lounge instead of one of the bed rooms, loud music and a whole lot of wanging.

To all of the people who will be joining us thank you for coming to participate in the greatest event of the season, we appreciate an audience almost as much as Adam appreciates his own body. Drew has promised to be in fine form and by that he means he will be quoting Dave Chapelle in the best ghetto black man accent to come out of a white mans mouth since the latest trash on Jerry Springer.

More information shall be revealed after we return from this adventure, may god have mercy on the Gold Coast, because we sure as hell won't, be ready Karma you frightened us last time but I still don't think we will clean the BBQ.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG.